A father's fear

So I am sure that every soon to be mother and father have some sort of fears during pregnancy whether it is about giving birth, being responsible for another life, raising your child in this world, or in my husband’s case, that your child will like you!! J This very interesting, yet annoying conversation started out Monday while at the Doctor’s office.

Monday afternoon we got to our doctor’s appointment and everything was going great. Well we get back into the room and Keith was being so annoying. He was just randomly talking about things of no importance and seemed really really antsy. He kept getting up and walking around the room and messing with all of the doctor’s stuff and mocking everything I had to say. Finally I asked him to please sit down he was making me nervous and was being very annoying. I asked him what was his problem and his response was that he was “nervous”. Really?!?! I said to him “Why are you nervous?! You are the one just sitting over in that chair not doing anything and I am the one sitting on this freaking table!!!!” Thank goodness the doctor walked in the door shortly after that! LOL

So that was the end of the convo until yesterday in the car. I am not for sure how this all got brought up but we ended up talking about our fears during this whole experience. For those who know me well you know that my pain tolerance is 0. I do NOT do pain well at all!!! I had an ingrown toenail one time and you would have thought someone was trying to kill me when Keith was trying to get it out. So my main fear is of course LABOR!! I was also saying I was nervous about being responsible for another life and raising a child in this world. Very deep stuff! Well then it was Keith’s turn to say what he is fearful of. His response: “I am scared of my kid not liking me”. This is what he is afraid of, that his child will not like him. He said he wasn’t worried about raising a child in this world or anything like that, just that it won’t like him. I thought I was going to die from laughter. I had to reassure him that at times our kid will not like him and that is because he is being a good parent. I told him there were times that I didn’t like my mom but the reason I didn’t is because she was parenting me and doing what she was supposed to do! He said that he knows people who hate their parents and then being my annoying self with a psychology background I went all into reasons why children hate their parents and yada yada yada! Annoying I know! But Keith seemed to agree with me so my job was done! But he is still worried about his kid not liking him. I wish that the only fear I had was something like that and not all the things I really am fearful of! Oh to be a male and have it so easy ;)

<3 Kristen

For the First Time

I really don't have any funny experiences to share this time BUT I want to share with everyone our experience of seeing the baby for the first time <3

Our doctor appointment was at 9:00 am this morning and of course I have been freaking out about it because I am the sickest around that time in the mornings. But this morning was definitely different! My stomach was in knots not because of morning sickness but because I was excited about seeing the baby for the first time! I have been telling myself that I didn't think I would cry when we saw it but after my experiences on the roller coaster of emotions I started thinking different. I was thinking last night.."oh great, they are going to think I am not excited at all because I am going to be sobbing uncontrollably because here lately I can't just cry a few tears. I start shaking, sobbing, and making weird faces!" Keith told me that if he cried to not make fun of him and then I was really thinking, well that is just awesome, if he cries then I am definitely going to cry!!

We get to the doctor's office and the whole time in the waiting room I started getting really anxious and feeling really nauseated. I was worried that when we went in there something would be wrong and that there might not really be a baby in there lol. I thought this because we haven't got to see it or hear the heartbeat yet so that made me all kinds of nervous!! But Keith just reassured me that with as much as I have been throwing up then everything is OK! (see I guess he can be pretty sensitive and nice at times) ;)

FINALLY they called my name and we went back and went into the ultrasound room. The gel was actually really warm that they put on my belly which I wasn't expecting that because everyone has told me it is really cold. The ultrasound tech started pushing around on my belly with that little machine thing (don't know what it is called!) and she instantly found the baby!! It was the neatest thing ever! Keith and I couldn't quit smiling! Neither one of us cried because we were just too amazed!! She said the baby was in the right spot and there was definitely ONE baby in there!! She checked out my ovaries and everything looked great and the blood flow to the baby was also good! She did say though that I am only 10 weeks and 4 days so not as far along as they previous thought I was! My due date is now May 12th :) The baby is looking great for its gestational age! And the heartbeat was very strong and fast which is also awesome! I asked her "is that my heartbeat or the baby's?", because my heart was beating 900 mph!!!! At first the baby was laying still sleeping and then the more she moved around on my stomach the baby started kicking its little legs and arms and moving everywhere!! It was the neatest thing I have ever seen! We got our print out of pictures and we couldn't be happier!! <3

OH, and the baby is an inch and a half long so it's a tiny little booger!! <3

~Kristen~

Gestational Psychosis

This blog will be LONG! I'm sorry! I just had the idea to start a blog!

First I want to say that morning sickness is the devil. I have actually had ALL DAY sickness. Whoever termed it morning sickness was obviously a man. This is a sickness that no one can understand unless they have been through it. There is no way to put it into words. Well one day I felt great, until I had to go number 2. I can’t believe I am writing this and sharing it but the smell was so bad that I made MYSELF throw up. Gross.  

So my husband, Keith, is not a very sensitive, sympathetic man at all. He doesn’t quite understand the things that I have been experiencing such as the “all day” sickness, being able to smell EVERYTHING, and the emotional roller coaster that I am on. He will soon learn! I have been reading Jenny McCarthy’s book Belly Laughs and when I got to the part on “Psycho Chick” I made sure to read that ENTIRE chapter to my husband so he would know that when she came out of me he would be warned! Well I think that “chick” has started to come out already. Awesome! Let me start with early in the morning when I am getting ready for work. Keith drives me to work on the weekends, which may prove to be a horrible idea until this sickness goes away!

                It’s 6:00am on a Saturday and I am getting ready for work. But I find myself in the bathroom floor at 6:15 throwing up and we have to leave the house at 6:20 so I can be at work by 6:45am. I am in the middle of throwing up and Keith is asking me questions. “Where is the Phenergan?”, “are you ok?”  I am thinking to myself, REALLY KEITH. You are asking me questions while I am in the middle of throwing up?!?!?! Find the freaking Phenergan yourself!! So he finally finds the medicine and I take it. Does not help one bit! So I finish getting ready and we get in the car and start driving down the road. From our house, it is faster to take the back roads to Hwy 82 instead of going to Bells or go through Denison. Well let me just tell you that the back roads are SO bumpy and Keith manages to hit every single bump on those roads! I was cringing and holding on to the door the whole time because every bump made my stomach slosh around and I just knew I was going to lose it at any moment! Well we got to my work. I had made it but not very well because as soon as I opened the car door I was throwing up in the parking lot!! Later that night when he picked me up from work I told him he better not take me down those roads the next morning. What did he do?! He went the same exact way as he did the previous day on those stupid back roads.  We get down the road a little and he asks me if I want him to turn around and go a different way. My response: “Well you have already started going down the road so just freaking keep going, don’t worry about turning around now!!!” His response: “Why are you being so mean?” in a whiny voice! Are you kidding? Why do you think I am being so mean?!?!!? So the next weekend I told him that if he took me down those roads again we WOULD have issues. He finally learned and decided to go a different way the next time J

Last week I had a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday so Keith of course took off work that day and the day after. The night before the appointment I was very very sick. Actually the whole day before the appointment I was sick. Couldn’t keep anything down at all, and threw up the entire day and night. In the middle of the night I got sick and was throwing up in the bathroom. Keith doesn’t wake up one single time. So in between throwing up I am screaming for him to go get my medicine. So he finally gets up to go get it, which takes him FOREVER!!! He brings me the pill and a glass of orange juice says “here you go” and goes back to bed, turns the light off, gets in bed, and passes back out. Not once did he ask me if I was ok. So the next day “Psycho Chick” emerged full fledge. I let him have it!! I was screaming and hollering (acting a fool) but I didn’t care. I said to him “WHAT’S THE POINT OF YOU HAVING THE DAY OFF IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DO A DAMN THING. WHY DON’T YOU JUST GO BACK TO WORK!!!!” and then at one point I found myself saying “I KNOW YOUR PARENTS DIDN’T RAISE YOU TO BE LIKE THIS. WHERE IS THAT PERSON THAT THEY RAISED????” We did end up having a really good day together and things got much better after HE apologized for being mean and not taking care of me ;) The next day I was feeling OK so he and I went and got a breakfast Jack and then had some errands to do in town. Well the first stop was Hobby Lobby. I was still eating my breakfast Jack so we sat in the car for a while so I could finish.  I had to wear my capris unbuttoned because it hurt my stomach to have them buttoned. GREAT.  So I am finishing up eating and Keith decides to throw some of the egg out the door for the birds. I ask him “how in the world am I going to get out of the car and button my pants without everyone in the world seeing me?” No response from Keith. He was too involved with watching the birds eat the egg. He throws some more out for them and gets out of the car and shuts the door. So there I am sitting in the car trying to figure out how to get out and button my pants. So I just did it. I get out and he asks me “did you get your pants buttoned?” I said YES NO THANKS TO YOU!! He then proceeds to start walking to the entrance of Hobby Lobby and leaves me to walk by myself. REALLY?! I told him he was the worst expectant father I had ever seen in my life!! We get in Hobby Lobby and everything is going great until I turn around and he is GONE!! Where did he go?! I have no idea!! I look and look for him and I am starting to feel pretty crappy so I go ahead and get what I need and call him to figure out where he is. I found him and we finished up with the shopping and he tells me to hurry up so we could go. Are you kidding? I would have finished a long time ago if he wouldn’t have wandered off from me!!

Sunday morning (the 9^th) wasn’t a very good morning for me either. I have been craving Breakfast Jack’s from Jack in the box and the problem with that is when I want one I was it ASAP! Well I didn’t have to be up until 9:15 yesterday morning but at 8:00 I found myself wide awake and nauseous. I look over at Keith who is snoring and looking so peaceful. I wanted to hurt him. I start poking him (that is how I wake him up now) and he wasn’t budging. So then I start calling his name AND poking him telling him that I want a breakfast jack and for him to go get me one. He tells me there is cereal in the kitchen and to eat that. ARE YOU KIDDING?!?! So I get up and go get a small bowl of Oops All Berries, which are the berries from Captain Crunch cereal. NOT what I wanted. As I am sitting in the bed eating them I am whining and griping the whole time about how I don’t want this nasty cereal. He tells me “I didn’t sleep well at all last night Kristen. My allergies were killing me all night.” UM, EXCUSE ME. Your allergies were killing you. WELL LISTEN HERE BUDDY YOUR SPAWN INSIDE OF ME HAS BEEN MAKING ME SICK FOR THE LAST 4 WEEKS OF MY LIFE SO DON’T TELL ME ABOUT YOUR STUPID ALLERGIES!!!!!  I wanted to kill him. He was seriously complaining to me about his allergies bothering him when I haven’t been able to function for the last 4 weeks because I have been so sick. O-M-G!!

I have literally been on a roller coaster full of emotions here lately. I find myself crying OVER everything!!! I mean everything! I watched the movie Life as we know it. It’s a comedy but in the beginning both parents of the baby die and I completely LOST it! I was sobbing. And then I watched this video on the internet of a contestant on X Factor that was born in the middle of the war zone and he didn’t know how old he was. No birth certificate or anything. I sobbed during the entire video. Then I watched this show on Progeria, the disease where children age so quickly that it leads to their death. CRIED the whole time!! I took my first Zofran which dissolves in your mouth and I lost it over that as well. It tasted like peppermint at first but the longer I sucked on it the more it made me nauseous. So I’m trying to finish sucking on it so it will dissolve and I am drinking water trying to get it to hurry as I am fighting back throwing up. I can imagine I looked pretty silly because I am heaving and drinking water at the same time. Next thing I know, Keith is asking me “What in the hell are you doing?” and then I started throwing up and crying. Well Last night Keith witnessed the emotional roller coaster really for the first time and so did I because last night was the craziest thing ever.  I was lying in bed talking to Keith and I was feeling awesome. Well then I didn’t feel so well anymore so I took a Zofran, you all know how I handle those,  I laid back down and still didn’t feel too well. All of a sudden I smelled dog poop and started gagging. Keith tells me “it’s all in my head” but obviously it wasn’t because I started throwing up in the bowl that has a new place beside my pillow. I started crying because it tasted bad and Keith tried to take the bowl away to go clean it out and I screamed at him because I wasn’t for sure if I was finished. Well I was so he went and cleaned it out while I am still crying. He goes to get back in bed but first kicks Wyatt (our dog) because he was trying to chew on Keith’s boots. Well Wyatt made a crying noise and I lost it. I started sobbing and convulsing because I was crying so hard and then instantly I roll over on my back and start laughing hysterically because I have no idea why I am crying. Then next thing I know I am crying again. Keith says “I don’t know if I can handle this. Straight up I don’t know if I can do it.” And next thing I know I am laughing hysterically again to where I am shaking from laughing so hard. O-M-G what in the world is going on with me!!!

I have also been having dreams that Keith is cheating on me. That goes awesome with being psycho. I told him he better not cheat on me while I am pregnant. He asked me if I was serious and told me I was crazy. I told him I was definitely serious!! I have been telling him that he is making me hate him for being so mean and not sensitive so whenever I have these dreams and wake up the next morning, I hate him even more!! Some days I just want to kiss him and hug him and then others I am like “Get the hell away from me!” Oh and our baby hates me and already loves Keith. I was feeling pretty crappy the other night and he started rubbing my belly. I started to instantly feel better and I told him in a whiny voice “This baby freaking hates me and it loves you!!” He thought that was hilarious!

Now I know why I fit in so well at work (I work in a mental institute). I am just as crazy as they are!! I have been a complete psycho!!! Bring on the next 7 months! ;)